Ten Ways to Dump a Guy Without Harming His Ego

A woman can fall in and out of love with a man overnight. The hard part is when the reason you want to dump him is related to a personal flaw of his that you initially overlooked. And now, after weeks or months, it’s become annoying. How can you tell him now that his eating habits are disgusting and you’re dumping him because of it? Or that, as it turns out, you really ARE bothered by his receding hairline or how much he plays video games. It’s no longer cute that he shouts at the football games every Sunday, or that he occasionally uses your toothbrush.  

Here are ten ways you can dump the guy without shattering his ego:

1. Stop answering his calls, emails and texts. Don’t engage in any conversation. If you must talk, explain that something else has been made a priority.
2. Call, text and email him constantly. Ask where he was and with whom. Act suspicious. Question everything he says and does. Come across as jealous.
3. Tell him that you don’t see a future together. Avoid details. Be vague. Say you’re just not feeling it anymore.
4. Tell him you’ve decided you like women more than men. Act needy, explaining that men have never given you the emotional support you crave and need.
5. Make breaking up his idea. Dress badly. Stop doing your hair and make-up. 
6. Explain that you’re experiencing a weird rash. Ask if he’s noticed itching in his “jock” area. 
7. Tell him that you’ve taken a vow of chastity. You’re waiting for a sign from the heavens before you have sex again. Tell him the only way you’ll ever have sex again is in order to have children. And when you’re done with kids you’ll never have sex again.  
8. Ask him to pick up a pregnancy kit on his way over to see you. Only use this one if he doesn’t want children. Otherwise it could backfire.  
9. Fake crazy. Throw random meltdowns and tantrums. Men hate tears and they’re afraid of crazy. Make the crazy crying shows about trivial and fictional things.
10. Pretend your spiritual guide came to you in the middle of the night and directed you to break up with him. Either way, this works. If he’s a non-believer in spirit guides, he’ll think you’re nuts and will walk away from the relationship on his own. If he’s a believer, he’ll believe you and will want you to follow the advice of your spirit guide.